Coming Into Your Own: Style, Confidence, & the Art of Getting Out of Your Own Way
What sets people apart from one another? It’s not a designer bag, or the cost of their jeans. Or their salary for that matter. It’s the energy held, the way you carry yourself & the confidence to truly own it all. Butttttt, confidence doesn’t exactly arrive in an Amazon bag on your doorstep. You have to dig for it, like finding a vintage leather jacket in a thrift store packed with questionable polyester. I’m going to use a bunch of metaphors here, because this is my style blog. Basically you have to put in the work.
For years, my entire life really, I lived in a strange duality: I desperately wanted to fade into the background while simultaneously craving everyone’s undivided attention (a true Aquarius paradox). TURNS OUT - this fucked me up. There’s no moving forward with this mindset. I was stuck in a standstill, & it was MY FAULT. Perhaps it was the interactions of biological, psychological, & social factors. Or maybe it was my self-induced pity party. Either way, the only common denominator that typically made me feel at ease was my “sense of style”. I knew I had CUTE CLOTHES, & I knew other people knew I had CUTE CLOTHES. (This was before my ayahuasca journey - JK).
There’s a power in putting on something that makes you stand a little taller. Something that says “yes, I’m here, & yes you can look”. An act of dressing yourself is a rebellion against all the noise telling you to play small. Though, many will silently, or verbally to your face, judge you. There were times I’d put on some outfit & people would ask why I’m “all dressed up” (literally this happened multiple times). The outfits weren’t even that “out there”. At the time, it made me feel small, & stupid. Why should I feel embarrassed.
So, here’s my secret: confidence doesn’t just show up one day, fully formed. It’s built, one choice at a time. It’s wearing that bold lipstick even though your inner critic whispers, “who do you think you are?”. It’s putting on the dress that makes you feel like a main character instead of a background extra. It’s learning to look in the mirror & say, “OK, she’s got something”. Like mental health, you need to wield your identity with your prescriptions.
Finding your style & finding your confidence go hand in hand. It’s about unapologetically embracing who you are & translating that into what you wear. Sure, there will be missteps (I had a “forever in cardigans” phase), but those are just part of the process. Like any great outfit, confidence is about the fit—and when you find it, nothing feels better.
So, here’s your permission slip: Stop trying to blend in while secretly hoping to stand out. Own your quirks, your taste, your boldness. Wear the statement coat. BE the statement coat. And if anyone raises an eyebrow - that’s just confirmation you’re doing it right.
(DISCLAIMER - buying nice jeans does not cure depression, please seek help for that, it’s very treatable & you are not alone.)
